Military Action Figure

If you’re like me, and I know I am, you probably mixed your play among action figure lines as a kid. If they were the same scale, I was all over it. Well, to a point. I didn’t cross over Joe and Star Wars too much. I guess I just couldn’t rationalize an AT-AT inhabiting the same toy universe as a HISS tank. GI Joe in the 80s certainly had its share of imitators. I had more than a few of those also-rans, from American Defense to Sgt. Rock. My favorite by far was a pretty amazing radio controlled Jeep.

These days, I’m still on the lookout for similarly scaled vehicles that work with Joes. There’s no shortage considering the Marvel movie lines’ propensity for giving guys like Iron Man and Spider Man everything from off-road vehicles to jets and mobile HQs. Then there are the actual military-based toys, like True Heroes and the modern iteration of Lanard’s CORPS! (recently dubbed as Total Soldier). Toys R Us’ True Heroes line has managed to outdo modern GI Joe in terms of grandiose vehicles with its Shark AB-115. Then there’s the other end of the spectrum, the cheapjack efforts that populate the dollar store toy aisle.

I discovered Military Action Figure (I suppose that’s what I should call him) at the local Dollar Tree. There was another figure that included a large cannon-like weapon and SWAT shield, but I was struck by this guy’s kayak. Is it a kayak? Does any military use something like this? Maybe so, since GI Joe’s second version of Stalker came with one. It’s a pretty decent little accessory, considering the paltry sum that I paid, plus the figure actually fits in it. Seems funny, but you’d be surprised how many of these cheapo items don’t even match up the figures and gear. For the record, the SEAL-like operative here can hold one of his weapons, as well as the oars. Honestly, throw the figure in the trash, and stick a Joe in the boat.

The derpy-looking figure is hollow and cheap (what do you expect for a buck?) and probably wouldn’t stand up to play for more than a few minutes. I don’t even want to give it to my four year old son for fear of it snapping into pieces before you can say tundra ranger. Speaking of which, Stalker couldn’t bare to look at this guy for too long. He may borrow his ride, however.


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